Interviews with Johns

The Music Tutor

Are you single, in a relationship, or married?

I’m single though I have been in long term relationships.

What is your job?

I’m a music tutor.

How many times have you visited escorts?

Its hard to recall exactly but I would estimate about 60 times, the majority of which were visits to what are basically brothels, with about 10 visits to independent escorts. Some of these were repeat visits so I would guess that I have paid about 50 different women for sex.

What was your first experience with an escort like?

Well I was a virgin. Nothing wrong or uncommon about that I’m sure except that at the time I was socially clueless enough to believe the bragging of my college friends that they had all had sex. I was at the time cripplingly shy around girls, largely as the result of an old-fashioned Catholic upbringing and it was all too easy to believe that I was fated not to ‘get laid’ as it was called. I was watching porn regularly by this time (I’m still shocked by how easily young lads can access very hardcore material) and I suppose I became corrupted by it. Eventually in a fog of hormonal angst I researched what are locally called ‘massage parlours’ and chose one fairly nearby. The lady on the door was very nice, took my money and showed me into a room which was dimly lit but reasonably nicely furnished. I naively thought she herself might be a working girl (she looked good enough) but then she introduced me to [redacted]. [Redacted] looked amazing, flowing blonde hair and wearing nothing but a smile and the skimpiest of lingerie. She was incredibly sweet to me and worked out I was a virgin very quickly. What happened was what seems to be the standard parlour service; massage, stimulation by hand and breasts, oral and protected sex. It didn’t last very long but frankly it felt great. We chatted briefly afterwards and if it bothered her to have taken my virginity she gave no hint of it. I left and straightaway I felt horrendously guilty and ashamed of myself. I promised myself never to pay for sex again! Exactly one week later I was back. ‘Wondered how long it might take’ said the lady on the door. And that is how I got hooked on hookers. Incidentally, I never saw [redacted] again.

Why do/did you seek out escorts?

Why do I do it? From the start it was the sheer joy and pleasure of having sex at last. After my first time came my first time trying out a new position or my first full blowjob or my first time going down on a woman. The young man I was, was learning just how incredibly beautiful a naked female body is. I don’t know if it even crossed my mind that the industry was seedy, I was always nice to the women I saw and generally they were nice back, probably realising that I would give them no trouble. The first maturing of my attitude came with [redacted]. I had taken to trying several different brothels. This one was grim. [Redacted] was nice but she was horrified when she found out my age. She kept asking why I wanted to be in a place like that. It bothered her I learned because she had nephews of a similar age to me. We talked at length about why both of us were there at all. I left with a far greater insight into what I was doing. Shortly afterwards I got into a relationship which lasted 5 years. My proudest boast is that I remained completely faithful to her during this time. I’m glad because this proves I’m not some kind of addict, that I retained a sense of moral integrity and that basically I really had just been going for the sex. When single I have found myself going back to escorts. Frequently, I have gone several weeks or even months without a visit but each time I have lapsed again. I have tried to avoid the seedier establishments and as money is now an easier matter, to visit independent ladies. There is something of a thrill to be had from the sampling of what morality calls forbidden fruit and I have found it easier to satisfy fantasies by asking an escort to oblige. I would have worried what my girlfriend might have made of a dressing-up request or a recital of dirty talk. An escorts honest opinion, which I’d probably never hear anyway, is of less concern. I suspect this is common.

What’s the relationship between your work and visiting escorts?

None whatsoever, other than the obvious fact that it supplies the money.

How much money have you spent on escorts?

Good question. Hard to say because its over a long period of time and prices varied between escorts. Roughly we are talking about £4000 - £5000. Hard to translate into dollars because of the varying exchange rate over time but something in the region of $8000. Slightly sobering thought that, although I’ve got friends who have probably spent as much or more over time on cigarettes and alcohol. And escorts won’t kill you slowly…

What’s the biggest misconception about johns/escorts?

Well I can’t stress this shocking hidden truth enough to todays media. We’re…. not…. all…. drug-addled…..unhinged….. repulsive…… misogynistic……God-forsaken…… psychopaths!!!!!!!! Of course I undertsand entirely that many women in the industry have been trafficked and I hate the fact. If it was within my power to end that reality tomorrow I would do it. But there really are women who are acting of their own free-will. And before someone says they’re faking, I know that when I meet a woman who is rosy-cheeked, well fed with healthy looking hair and body language, speaking articulately in a local accent, showing me round a nice looking apartment with an obvious knowledge of where everything is and having a very pleasant talk with me, there is a chance that she is a drug addict who hates herself as much as her pimp but it does seem unlikely. As for the men, many are just lonely and a bit dysfunctional. Also, if a man does not want a proper relationship at a given time for any reason, financial, professional or emotional but still has a healthy sexual appetite then his choice is between escorts or one-night stands. It may well outrage conventional wisdom but I consider the former to be a slightly better form of behaviour than the latter. It is frequently more honest, no less exploitative and a potentially nicer experience. I’d rather see a call-girl than try to ‘pick-up’ a girl in a bar who may be a bit drunk and may believe wrongly that I have romantic feelings for her.

Do you think prostitution should be legal?

No. Legalisation wouldn’t fully deal with the problem of trafficking and there would probably be a massive increase in the numbers of clients and probably of escorts as well. And just because somethings legal doesn’t mean that it is moral or socially apporved of. Tougher penalties though might harm people who really aren’t harming others. The current British position, which seems to be that it is officially illegal but ‘clean’ operations are tolerated to allow focus on anti-trafficking operations, seems to be the best or perhaps the least worst option.

Why did you agree to be interviewed?

To get it off my chest I suppose and have my say on the matter. While I’m not ashamed of what I did, I’m not proud either. One day I want to be married with children and this be in the past. I suppose this is a way of me signing off a chapter of my life. Though of course I may well lapse until miss right comes along…………

The Techie

Are you single, in a relationship, or married?

In a relationship.

What is your job?

I work in computer software technical support.

How many times have you visited escorts?

I haven’t kept count, but just offhand, I’d say in the neighborhood of 75 times over a span of 50 years.

What was your first experience with an escort like?

It was a little strange for me. I was very curious and very turned on by the idea. I found an ad somewhere, perhaps the back page of a local alternative newspaper, but I’m not sure. The place was a trailer parked in an isolated spot outside the city limits. I paid for and had intercourse with the woman, but she didn’t even pretend to be enjoying herself, which made it difficult to get into the experience. Two or three times I asked to change positions, between missionary and woman-on-top, but then she said, “I’m not turning over again,” so I had to just focus and try to get off. My primary impression of her (beyond her impatience and indifference to me) was that she had the softest, most supple skin I had ever touched, and a lovely figure with beautiful breasts. I finally had an orgasm and left, and even though it was far from an optimally satisfying experience, I knew I would be doing it again.

Why do/did you seek out escorts?

I’ve had pretty severe self-esteem issues my entire life. That turns out to be a huge turn-off to women in the real world, who vastly prefer confidence and self-assurance, so I’ve always thought of myself as not very successful at attracting them. Another factor is that variety is a turn-on for me, exploring a new body, someone who hasn’t yet discovered all my faults. In my marriages it seemed like the more my wives got to know about me, the less they liked me. I also have a couple of mild kinks that “nice girls” want nothing to do with; for example, I like it when my partner talks dirty to me and knows and exploits the power her beauty has over me. Most of the women I’ve dated and been married to turned out to be rather passive themselves and wanted to be taken by a strong lover who knows exactly what he wants, and (what do you know!) that turns out to be what they find most erotic. When sex is a commercial transaction, I don’t have to go through all the romantic pursuit rituals and prove myself to be a viable, lifelong, devoted source of economic resources as well as emotional and physical satisfaction, subject to the whims of her varying moods and appetites. Although I absolutely love when a professional grants me the gift of enjoying our time together and relaxing enough to share her orgasm with me, it’s enough to be able to leave all my baggage at the door and enjoy a simple, sensual, erotic encounter in which I have permission to ask for exactly what I want, and there’s some chance that I might get at least some of that and that she will enjoy pleasing me. It’s uncomplicated, it’s satisfying, it’s hugely erotic for me, and afterward I always feel on top of the world.

What’s the relationship between your work and visiting escorts?

None whatever, now. I work in a cube farm and don’t travel for work at all. Decades ago I was in a job that required some travel, and when I was out of town and could afford it, I sought out escorts and had some of the most memorably erotic experiences of my life. But that was 40 years ago.

How much money have you spent on escorts?

I couldn’t begin to add it all up, and lack of funds is what makes my visits so infrequent today. I suppose it could total tens of thousands of dollars. I normally make two-hour incall appointments with women whose hourly rates are $250 or $300, and I tip generously beyond that. Most often I’ll spent $700 for two hours. But that happens *maybe* twice a year.

What’s the biggest misconception about johns/escorts?

It’s not a topic I discuss with anyone else, so I have no real idea what others think about it. From the social milieu it seems that a lot of people, when they hear “prostitution,” think of crack-addicted streetwalkers and pimps who physically abuse them, but that’s not the world I dabble in. I think I’ve engaged two streetwalkers in my entire life, neither of whom seemed drug-addicted or abused, but who can tell? I know that religious fundamentalists are quite judgmental and condemning of both sex workers and their clients, but to me it’s not a moral issue at all.

Do you think prostitution should be legal?

Absolutely! Beyond that, I think I would love being married to a sex worker, and would wholeheartedly endorse her continuing professional involvement for as long as she wanted.

Why did you agree to be interviewed?

My experiences with prostitutes have had to be the best-kept secret of my life, and the opportunity to share, even anonymously, is like a breath of fresh air. I also wanted the opportunity to express my appreciation and affection for all the women who have taken me to bed and let my money enable them to set aside any reservations or hesitancy they might have had in any other context to share a few hours of erotic pleasure with me (Me! Of all people!). I don’t think any of them could possibly know how healing it has been to have them open themselves to me so completely. It’s the only experience I have that has the effect of turning down the volume on the unfulfilled longing I carry around constantly for all the attractive women in my daily life who would never in a million years consider even so much as holding my hand for a few minutes. Thank you very much, Susannah, for giving me the opportunity to express it.

The Entrepreneur

Are you single, in a relationship, or married?

Single, but I did see a couple of escorts while married during a long period where my wife was living overseas.

What is your job?

Entrepreneur

How many times have you visited escorts?

7-10? Can’t remember exactly

What was your first experience with an escort like?

Very pleasant and self affirming. I had discovered the Erotic Review and spent a lot of time researching who I wanted to see. I was nervous when I first went to see her, but she was really cool and not in a rush to get it over with. I ended up spending about two hours with her even though I had only requested an hour.

Why do/did you seek out escorts?

Mostly it was something I wanted to get out of my system. I loved my wife, but she was not particularly sexy. I wanted the fantasy of a woman who knew how to use her sexuality to seduce me.

I saw a few more after my divorce, mostly to help me get my confidence back.

Earlier this summer I went to a high end brothel in Germany, which was my first time seeing an escort in a couple years. That was mostly about just wanting to have a new experience. I had a great time. I also saw an escort in Hungary for the same reason. I will remember those experiences fondly until the day I die.

What’s the relationship between your work and visiting escorts?

None that I can think of.

How much money have you spent on escorts?

Maybe $2500?

What’s the biggest misconception about johns/escorts?

I can’t speak for a lot of other johns but I simply like new experiences and intimacy (not just sexual). I have a friend who did a sort of global sex tour before finding the woman he married and he seems to have the same attitude. Neither of us look down on sex workers in any way. (He used to date a stripper. I currently am seeing a former stripper.)

Do you think prostitution should be legal?

Absolutely. It would make life simpler and safer for the escorts. That said, I wouldn’t have a problem with health regulation and zoning laws prohibiting street walkers from just standing on a corner soliciting clients.

Why did you agree to be interviewed?

Partly because I’m an attention whore. :-)

But more importantly, I think sex workers are unfairly judged and stereotyped. Yes, many of them have chaotic lives, but all the ones I saw really seemed to have their shit together. They were uniformly great conversationalists who did not seem ashamed of their work.

These days there is much more information and advice available to both sex workers and clients. I hope my tiny little contribution will help them make good decisions.

More broadly speaking, there is a crazy level of cognitive dissonance in a society that simultaneously uses sex to sell shampoo but condemns the frank expression of sexual desire.

Seeing escorts helped me become more comfortable and confident with my sexuality. This in turn has led to a *lot* more personal success in my dating life and in developing “civilian” intimate relationships.

The Correctional Officer

Are you single, in a relationship, or married?

I’ve had a girlfriend for the past 18 months.

What is your job?

I am a correctional officer.

How many times have you visited escorts?

If I had to put a number on it, I’d say 800 times over the past 18 years - maybe a few more, maybe a few less. That’s about 44 visits per year, or a visit ever 8 days, if my math is correct (check, it probably isn’t). I’ve had dormant periods and periods when I’ve been out of control. These days, I don’t get out as much, but I can spend up to eight hours a day viewing online ads and review boards. It’s all part of being a john, I guess.

I don’t have a type, at least not when I’m buying sex. I can see and 18-year-old on Monday, and a 55-year-old on Friday. Generally, I don’t see a woman more than once. I prefer it that way. If I see someone more than once, I begin to develop feelings, and all those feelings just make a mess of things. Paying seems perverse once feelings get involved.

What was your first experience with an escort like?

It happened at a hotel in the [redacted] area of [redacted].

At the time I had gone without sex for nearly a year because I was taking a prescription medication to treat depression. The medication rendered me impotent. I quit taking the pills because I wanted to have sex again, but I didn’t want to jump right into it with an ordinary girl. My confidence was low and I feared sexual failure. I was worried that I would cum too fast or not at all, that women would consider me a dud in bed. Visiting a prostitute seemed like the safest thing to do.

It was pretty straightforward. I found a woman who advertised in the local paper and set up a time to meet her. She was a petite brunette and probably in her early 40s. I was very intimidated because I’d only ever slept with girls my own age. She was kind, though, and walked me through the whole thing. I think she enjoyed having a client so much younger than herself. In the end, I did just fine.

Why do/did you seek out escorts?

Loneliness, depression and the urge to die. They are all the same. I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I no longer try to treat it; I live with it as best I can. This illness isolates you though, even from those you love. You become lonely. And when you become lonely, you seek companionship wherever you can find it. Frankly, going to an escort to combat your loneliness is a losing strategy. I have seen 800 women and can only recall a handful of really great experiences. Most encounters make me question why I bothered to leave the house in the first place.

What’s the relationship between your work and visiting escorts?

I’m not sure there is a relationship. Obviously, after swearing an oath to uphold the law and avoid behaving in any way that would bring the [redacted] into disrepute, I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. But let’s be clear, I started doing this long before I started working in law enforcement. My job is something I do a few days a week. Outside of that, I could care less about law enforcement.

That’s not a very satisfying answer is it? You’re probably thinking, how can you be LE and fuck whores? I just can. Morally, this does not pose a problem for me. I’m not hurting anybody and I’m not ripping anybody off. I’m not showing girls my badge and demanding a freebie. I don’t even tell them what I do for a living. We fuck and part ways.

…Upon further consideration, there is a link between my job and visiting escorts. I don’t see, or I try really hard not to see, pimped-out girls. My reason? I just don’t like pimps. I deal with them every day, I know what they’re about, and I don’t like them. I think they’re really, really evil people. I wish I could say I was always so fussy, but I can’t. There were plenty of times when I didn’t bother to ask myself why a young woman was lying on a dirty mattress in a shabby room. I lacked the imagination to see her as a fellow human being, someone who could suffer and feel sadness just as much as I could. I am ashamed of that.

How much money have you spent on escorts?

This is painful to answer, but it has to be in the neighbourhood of $90,000. That’s an enormous sum for an ordinary guy like me, but when you start doing this sort of thing you don’t think, I’m going to spend $90,000 on sex. It’s more like, I’m going to spend $120 on this girl and I’m never going to do this again. It was always the last time. Within days, I’d have the urge again.

Usually, I try to spend as little as possible. That’s not because I’m cheap. I’ve found that the difference between a woman who charges $400/hr. and a woman who charges $120/hh is exactly nil where looks and services are concerned.

I just book women by the half hour now, too. I used to book by the hour but it has become too difficult for me. I just can’t perform these intimate acts with a complete stranger for an extended period of time. Thirty minutes really is the limit. Otherwise, I feel like I’m making a mockery of something. It’s not like we’re lovers.

What’s the biggest misconception about johns/escorts?

I imagine it’s that there is a certain type of person who is a john. He’s pretty repulsive. I don’t think there’s a type. I don’t think I’m repulsive, either.

As for escorts, it has to be that they value the practice of safe sex. I’ve lost count of the number of offers I’ve received for BBFS. It’s quite common and often only costs an extra fifty.

Do you think prostitution should be legal?

I believe people should be able to buy and sell sex if that’s what they want to do. I believe it will always be a dirty and exploitative business no matter how much it is regulated.

Why did you agree to be interviewed?

That’s a good question. I’m unhappy and I’ve been unhappy for a long time. I’ll do anything to be happy. That surely involves changing the way I’ve lived my life for the past two decades. Maybe talking is the beginning of that change.

The Teacher

Are you single, in a relationship, or married?

Married

What is your job?

teacher

How many times have you visited escorts?

Probably 20-30 times over the last 10 yrs

What was your first experience with an escort?

I answered an ad on an escort site. This was before Craigslist or Backpage. She was an olde lady in a trailer park who walked me through the process. It was fun, but not hot. I forgot to pay her I was so on edge. I drove back to give her the money and she was really nice about that too.

Why do/did you seek out escorts?

Stress relief

What’s the relationship between your work and visiting escorts?

None? I hope I don’t end up with a former student.

How much money have you spent on escorts?

I’m going to say probably about 1200 over the last decade.  The price around here has dropped a bit. I can usually find a girl for between 65-80 nowadays.

What’s the biggest misconception about johns/escorts?

That we’re perverts.

Do you think prostitution should be legal?

Yes.

Why did you agree to be interviewed?

Self-reflection 

The Site Reliability Engineer

Are you single, in a relationship, or married?

Currently in a relationship; most of the time when I was seeing escorts was while I was divorced and not dating.

What is your job?

I’m a Site Reliability Engineer at a major Internet company.

How many times have you visited escorts?

It’s likely in the low dozens. Between 2005 and 2009 when I was most active, it was a monthly or more frequent experience. Now it’s maybe once or twice a year on business trips, usually in countries where it is legalized and/or regulated. My partner is aware of this.

What was your first experience with an escort?

December 2000. It was the subject of my entry in the Letters From Johns project. Afterwards there was a five year break before I saw one again. Then it came about because I was lonely and didn’t really feel like dealing with a more complicated relationship.

Why do/did you seek out escorts?

Loneliness, interest in human contact. It’s been interesting to watch the shift as my home life stabilized that it really became something for when I’m travelling.

What’s the relationship between your work and visiting escorts?

There was a lot of overlap with business travel. Earlier when I was at a startup, I was’t dating at all and was working 80-100 hours weeks, it just seemed easier.

How much money have you spent on escorts?

Somewhere between twelve and fourteen thousand dollars.

What’s the biggest misconception about johns/escorts?

There’s a misperception of it being a wildly decadent lifestyle, on both sides. Most of the escorts I’ve known had other jobs, or were going to school, or just generally doing it economically. It’s not like they were partying all the time. The fact that the Google search for “hookers and blow” has over a million results sort of indicates the stereotype of what Johns are expected to be like.

Do you think prostitution should be legal?

Yes, with some basic regulation. Australia seems to have done pretty well with this.

Why did you agree to be interviewed?